


Too Crazy to Love

by Contego



Category: Rick and Morty
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Backstory, Rick is depressed, Suicide, not everything is as it seems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-07-05
Packaged: 2018-11-22 21:49:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11389095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Contego/pseuds/Contego
Summary: Some days I'm built of metal. I can't be broken. But today isn't one of those days.





	1. My failures as a grandfather

**Author's Note:**

> TFW when you're in spanish class and write a fic.
> 
> Also I don't write in burps or stutters, because I find that annoying to write and read. So use your imagination and insert your own burps and stutters.

Some days I'm built of metal. I can't be broken. But today isn't one of those days. Today I woke up to Jerry's annoying fucking voice, followed by Morty's ear screeching stutter. And my small twin sized bed barely fit my huge body. These weren't made for tall ass people like me. I sat up looking straight ahead into the mirror before me.

 

"Holy shit, I'm old as fuck." I grumbled out, immediately reaching toward the bedside table for my flask. My relief. I need to numb myself. I need to forget everything for just awhile. I unscrewed the top, downing all the contents. Not enough. I need more. _More... Numb... Numb myself... Need...._  My brain told myself, forcing myself to get out of the bed. Beth took all my booze and shoved it into a liqueur cabinet. Not cool. You don't mess with a man's booze. 

 

"Ugh... Another day of this bullshit." I groaned as I ripped the clothes off of my withered, old body. It didn't take long to change and perform the basic morning functions. In less than 10 minutes I was at the kitchen table surrounded by dumbasses. Honestly, fuck this. Beth laid a plate in front of me filled with all sorts of goodies. Bacon, scrambled eggs, and hashbrowns. She was a wonderful cook-- just like her mom. I, of course, would never admit that.

 

"Morning grandpa!" Morty and Beth spouted out in unison. Just like sheep. I rolled my eyes, holding up my middle finger. It's too early for this shit again. What is it? 7 AM? Yeah, too early. I haven't even had my morning shot yet and people are already pissing me off. I had too much work to do. 

 

"Do you think we'll get a snow day tomorrow?" Summer asked out, looking around the table. Morty shrugged. 

"Maybe," He paused, "Hey, Rick, are we doing anything today?" I didn't answer, only pushing my eggs around the plate. 

"Dad? You okay?" Beth asked, looking at me with concern. She sounds concerned, but is she really? Is anyone ever _really_ concerned about anyone or anything? I don't think so. 

"Beth, leave him alone. He's doing... Whatever he does." Jerry commented, taking another bite of his eggs. 

"Anyways, I might have a job with advertising. I think it's about marketing a brand of soap that smells like food. Not quite sure," He paused, looking at me, "Do you think you could help me out, Rick? I'm sure you know something about food smelling soap." He pointed his fork at me. Still I didn't answer.  _Shut the fuck up._ I thought to myself. Jerry just  _shut the fuck up_. Everyone  _shut the fuck up._

"Rick?" Morty called out to me, eyebrows furrowing. I slammed my fork down on the table, rushing to my feet. The sudden movement caused my chair to fall over, and the room falling silent. 

 

"Shut up! Shut the fuck up! All of you! I honestly couldn't give two fucks about your problems. All I hear is 'Rick help me with X' or 'Rick what do you think about x?' I don't give a shit! All this commentary bullshit masquerading as some sort of intelligent intel is making me want to blow my brains out." I pointed to Summer, "No one cares about your fucking snowdays." Then to Morty, "And how the  _hell_ would I know what we're doing?!" Then to Jerry, "Just shut the fuck up! I don't care about your soap or failures as a human being. Knowing you, you'll screw up and be jobless in exactly 12 hours. I can prove that mathematically, actually." Then I turned to Beth. I looked at her and smiled-- not a real one... But she won't know that. "You really cooked the crap out of those eggs. I wish your mom were here to taste them." And with that, I walked off into my lab. 

 

***

  _"We can fix this! I can change!" I yelled, grabbing her arm. She ripped away from me, glaring at me with an intensity that burned holes through me._

 

_"Change? Rick, you drink and snort your problems away. You've been to rehab_ three  _times in the past year. You haven't changed at all." She took a step back, turning to put another shirt into a suitcase. My suitcase. The fan blew her hair around. She was beautiful._

 

_"I can promise you this time... I'll try harder. Please.  Just let me stay. For our daugh-" She cut me off with a laugh, but it wasn't from joy._

 

_"_ Our  _daughter? You realize I've been the one raising her the past 5 years while you went off on drinking binges and drug relapses in the living room!" I saw tears start to well in her eyes. She wasn't wrong, though. Most of the time she was the one feeding, changing, and caring for Beth. I looked out the window, feeling the sunlight against my skin._

 

_"If I could take back time..." I muttered, looking towards the floor. I would do anything to keep my family together._

 

_"I know, Rick. I know you would change things if you could. But think of Beth. I can't have her raised around a suicidal, drug and alcohol addict. She can't be around that." The pain of the truth hurt. It hurt more than all the bad trips, comedowns, and alcohol poisoning in one. She was right. It was the best for Beth if I left._

 

_"I have problems that make me mean, I know. But I was built on a foundation made of carelessness. You should know this of all people." I paused, laying a hand on her shoulder, "I'm too crazy to love." Her eyes softened and she laid her hand on mine._

 

_"You're not too crazy to love, Rick. You're just too broken to be loved_ right now.  _Get help. Get better. You have to do that on your own. Once you're better, you'll happily be welcomed back here. I'm doing what's best for everyone here." She leaned up and placed a kiss on my cheek._

 

_"Your past doesn't determine your future, Rick."_

 

_"With me it does." With that I picked up the suitcase and walked out the door._

 

_***_

The garage door was opened, which let all the cold air come in. It was snowing gently and silent.  Just how I liked it. I picked up the screwdriver and the nearest object. I need to get my mind off things. Distraction. I need a distraction. The object in front of me was just a simple dark matter laser I built a week ago. Took me all of 30 minutes to build. Fuck, I've been getting rusty if it takes me that long to make something. 

 

"Well... Looks like I really am an old shit. Can't even build a simple fucking dark matter laser in good time." I grumbled, caressing the object. In a fit of anger I threw it against the wall, shards flying back at me. What's the point? What's the fucking point in all of this? So what if if I can make a laser! I'm not doing anything worthwhile with it. I never have... I never will. All of my work is a waste. A fucking waste. 

 

I scrambled to my feet, searching for a simple scrap of paper in this sea of gadgets and parts. I ripped one out of an old journal, slamming it on the desk in front of me. With that, I also pulled out an old video recorder of mine. I built it a month ago for the last time I tried this. I scribbled down a quick thought, turning the camera on and recording.  

 

When I was satisfied with what I had created, I turned to my vials and beakers. I mixed together mysterious combinations over and over until I was sure the end result would be what I wanted. 

 

I sat down in my chair, taking one last look outside. 

 

"Attempt #7 here we go." And with that, I chugged the contents of the beaker. I immediately felt its affects on my body. My vision started to blur.

 

"Grandpa? You in there?" Morty asked, pounding on the door. As my world went black, I smiled. 

 

***

 

_I remember the first time I held Morty. Beth let me visit them once a year. Summer was at school, so it was just the three of us in their living room. He was a smart baby. He could tell me where his feet were, and could even respond to yes or no questions. He's advancing so well. That shit is really making grandpa proud._

 

_"Well, you're such a big little shit now, huh?" I asked, picking him up. I only saw him in pictures and videos that Beth sent. She didn't want me completely back in her life yet, but still wanted me to see my grandchildren. I couldn't blame her though. I wouldn't want me around either. After Beth's mom died, I slowly made my way back into her life. I want to be the father I wasn't when she was a child. I haven't changed much, but I'm much better at hiding it than before._

 

_"He can run really well, too." Beth said, watching us with a smile. I held Morty up with a smile. Something I haven't had since forever._

 

_"I bet! This fucker is gonna be smart like grandpa, right Morty?" Morty responded with an enthusiastic, "Yeah!" I laughed. I knew he didn't really know what I meant, but it still warmed my heart.  Morty tugged at my hair, pulling at it with all his might. What a strong little fucker! I can tell he'll grow up to be a huge pain in my ass._

 

_I looked at him, patting him on the back. I felt at peace in this moment._

 

_"You're gonna be better than me, Morty. I can feel it."_


	2. My Failures As a Grandson

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Morty POV anyone? Yes? No? Okay.
> 
> Again, for some reason I got bored in Spanish and wrote this chapter.

"Grandpa Rick... Are you in there?" I pounded on the door, but no response. Why wouldn't he answer? Was he on an adventure without me? I grumbled to myself, turning from the door. If he wouldn't let me through the door, I'll just go through the garage door. He always leaves it open... No wonder why the electric bill is always so high.

 

I walked through the front door, shivering at the cold air. Man, I should have grabbed a jacket. I walked toward the garage door (open, of course).

 

"Grandpa, you can't leave the garage door open when it's this cold out!" I stuttered out, inching closer to Rick. He was passed out on his chair, but I'm not surprised. He always drinks this much... I wish he wouldn't, though. As much of an asshole he is, I really do care about him. Even if I know he doesn't really care about me. 

 

"Come on Rick... Get up." I walked closer to him, hearing the crunch of glass under my shoes. I looked down noticing a broken beaker with a weird orange liquid pooled under it. I sighed. 

 

"Oh jeez... Rick, you need to be more careful." I shook his shoulder, but no reply. Man, he was really out of it. I shook him yet again... With no reply. I looked around his work desk noticing an oddly placed note and video recorder. What are these? Rick never usually leaves his notes out in the open... I picked up the note, reading it over. 

 

Oh no. Oh no, oh no, oh no...

 

"Jesus Christ, Rick!" I yelled, throwing the note down on the desk, turning back to my grandpa. His pulse is barely there... But at least it's there. In a panic, I searched for his portal gun. It has to be here somewhere... 

 

 _I have to save him..._ I thought to myself, completely tearing through his stuff. How could he do this to us?  _Why_ would he do this? Was he really that messed up?

 

"Holy fuck I found it!" I yelled in victory, examining it closely. I've watched him use it so many times, so I  _think_ I know how to use it... Maybe. I guess we'll see, right?

 

"Come on... I need a hospital... I need him to live." I pressed the button, tears blurring out the details of the slim green, swirling portal opening. 

 

***

 

_"Dad...?" I heard my mom say with confusion as she stood at the door. "What are you doing here? Why do you have a bag? You know what we agree-" He cut her off._

 

 _"I know, Beth. I know what we agreed on... But I really need your help. I have nowhere else to go. My last place kinda exploded while I was building a quantum generator... Don't fuck with quantum generators." He casually explained. Who the_ fuck  _is this guy? I mean, I used to see him at least once a year, but he just stopped coming when I turned 10. I only remember him from the color of his hair, and how he always reeked of alcohol._

 

 _"Why would I let you stay here when you_ blew up _your last home?" My mom put her hands on her hips, eyebrows furrowing._

 

_"I just thought you'd want to help your dad out, but I can see my place in this family... I'll be on my way." He turned to leave, but my mom grabbed him by the arm._

 

_"Wait! We're actually eating dinner... Would you like to join us? You can stay here tonight while I decide what I want to do..." He gave a short smile, making his way inside. He set his bag down, looking right at me._

 

_'He looks like a douche..' I thought to myself, eyeing him up and down._

_"Uh. O-Of course not! I'm Mo-"_

_"I know who you are."_

_"Oh." My mom looked at me with_ those _eyes. Y'know... The mom eyes._

 

_"Go show your grandfather to the kitchen table." She said with a smile. She never really smiles anymore. Not since she and dad started fighting more and more. I stood up, guiding the older man to a spot at the table for him. We all sat around the table with an uncomfortable silence._

 

_"So... You're Beth's dad, right?" My dad asked, which was only met with a pair of rolling eyes. Man, this guy really isn't easy to make happy._

 

_"Well, fuck, I'm not her mom, am I Jerry? Do I look like her mom?"_

_"Uh... No. You don't."_

_"Then use your basic deduction skills, if you have them, and answer your own question... Fucking idiot." Dad just looked down at his plate, probably feeling insecure about his own intelligence. He should. Dad's kinda a dumbass._

 

_The rest of dinner was passed with silence. Summer and I occasionally exchanged glances, hoping dinner would be over soon. It ended when grandpa, if I should even call him that, stood._

 

_"That was amazing Beth. Your mother would be proud. You get your cooking skills from her." He smiled, walking off into the garage like he owned the place. What the fuck? What could possibly be in the garage? We all looked at each other, obviously confused._

 

_A few seconds later he came back into the kitchen, drinking from a flask. No wonder he smells like alcohol._

 

 _"Oh, uh, Morty. I got something to show you. Come on." He motioned for me to follow, which (for some reason) I did. Something is compelling me to trust this guy. I think the universe is trying to tell me something by this._ _He took me to the garage, pushing things out of the way._

 

_"All this shit needs to go. This is where my workshop will be." He put his hands on his hips, letting out a huge burp. What the fuck?! This guy thinks he can just come in and claim our house? I frowned, watching him continue to push things away._

 

_"The universe is huge, Morty. So big that I can't possibly explore all of it by myself."_

 

_"What the hell are you talking about?"_

 

 _"Us, Morty. You and I exploring dimensions. I heard 56C is a fucking rager." Okay, this guy is crazy. I turned to leave, but all the sudden I heard a weird noise and a green light illuminated the room. I turned around to see a slim green, swirling portal-like thing. What the_ actual fuck _is going on?_

 

_"Come on, Morty. We have shit to explore. You won't be disappointed." I toiled with myself but finally gave in. He went through the portal-thing first, and I soon followed._

 

_***_

I grabbed Rick, dragging him toward the portal. He's heavier than I thought! I used all my strength just to pull him through the portal. Come on... We're almost through. I dragged him through, immediately being bombarded with bright lights. We're at a hospital. I looked around the sea of unknown creatures. Some were Cronenbergs, Boobloosians, and dozens of others. An _alien_ hospital.

 

"U-uh... Help! Can someone help?!" I screamed out, catching the attention of several nurses. They rushed toward me, one pushing a wheelchair over. 

 

"What's the matter?" One purple alien asked, helping the others get my grandpa into the wheelchair. They immediately took him away.

 

"M-My grandpa... He drank one of his experiments... He tried to kill himself." I said, tears finally making their way down my face. The harsh reality of it all. Grandpa Rick tried to kill himself. But why? What happened?

 

"Do you know what it was?" I shook my head. I was of no use to them.

"We'll do everything we can, okay? Go sit down in the chairs." I nodded, walking over to the uncomfortable chairs. Please be okay, Rick. Please...

 

I sat there for literally hours. Was something wrong with him? Are they prolonging the talk they give to families of lost causes? People came and went as I just sat there... Completely helpless. The only thing I had now was hope. And not even hope could be good enough for Rick. I replayed the moment I read his note over and over again in my mind... 

 

_'I was built on a foundation of carelessness. And now that foundation is finally sinking. Morty, don't be like me. Don't make the mistakes I made... Be better than me, Morty. Well, fuck, you already are better than me... I'm proud of you.'_

 

Tears welled in my eyes just thinking of it. Did Rick really think these things? I was so lost in my own thoughts I didn't even realize the same nurse from earlier standing in front of me. 

 

"Sir?"

"Oh... Sorry... Did something go wrong?"

"Oh no! Rick will be fine. I came to ask if you wanted to go see him. He's in and out of consciousness." I shot up out of my seat, nodding my head frantically. 

"Yes! I want to see him!" She gave a smile, leading me to his room. 

 _'Room 137...'_ I thought to myself, taking in every detail. From the blinding white decor to the weird music playing. Alien music, probably. I stepped inside the room, looking at Rick. He wasn't awake. I walked over to him, sitting in the chair off to the side of the bed. Fuck, he looks better than he did in the garage. 

 

"Why, Rick? Why did you do that?" I asked him, knowing he wouldn't answer me. I sat there in silence, but it was comfortable. Rick would be okay. I could still go on adventures with him... And I could listen to all those stupid fucking catchphrases of his. And we could visit the Citadel of Ricks and hate on the other ricks together. We can still do all of that. A smile crossed my face just thinking about it. I heard a groan come from Rick and soon saw his eyes beginning to open. 

 

"Where... Where the fuck am I?" I heard Rick mumble out.

 

***

  _It was my fault the last adventure went wrong. It was supposed to be a simple trip to dimension 98B to get Galgalore crystals from a Glooperonian ship. I accidentally set off the alarms, and we were soon surrounded. I remember Rick and me being captured for trespassing. The Glooperonians kept talking about how Rick was dead... How there was no way this could be Rick. That confused me just as much as it did them._

_I almost thought they were going to kill us. But like always, we made it out. But just barely. Rick was injured trying to save me... Shot through the liver. Again._

 

 _"Goddamn it! This is the_ second  _time I've gotten shot in the liver because of you... You little... You little fucking shit! If it wasn't for you, we'd have our crystals!" He yelled at me, limping to his workstation for a contraption to heal his wound. Yeah, his words hurt. But he was right. It was my fault he got shot._

 

_"I'm sorry, Rick. I'll be more careful next time."_

_"Yeah, I've heard that before." He rolled his eyes, finally finding the contraption needed to fix himself. He winced from the pain, finally relaxing once the process was over._

 

_"Jesus Christ that hurt." He groaned, still gripping his liver. We stood there for almost 12 minutes in silence, taking in what just happened. Then I remembered what the Glooperonians were talking about._

 

_"Hey... Grandpa Rick?" I asked quietly._

_"What?"_

_"What did the Glooperonians mean that you were dead?" I asked carefully. Of course, I knew that there was an infinite number of Ricks, but in how many of them were grandpa actually dead?_

 

_"Oh... Rick from dimension 98B blew his brains out a few months back." He said this so casually. That the thought of his other self committing suicide didn't bother him._

 

_"What?!"_

_"Yeah. The Glooperonians must not know about there being an infinite number of me's, so they just got confused. But at the end of the day, I totally teabagged their asses."  He laughed, sitting down in his chair._

 

_"Why did he.. Y'know... Do it?"_

_"Jesus Morty. I don't know everything about every single Rick in the universe." He rolled his eyes, "I couldn't care less if any of those bastards died."_

_"But... They're you."_

_"I know, I'm not mentally retarded. I know who I am. But like I said before... I'm the Rickest Rick out there. The only person who Ricks hate more than the government is themselves."_

_"Woah, first of all, I don't think you can say that word anymore. And second, why do Ricks hate themselves so much? That's actually... Really sad." Grandpa just laughed at me, taking a drink from his flask._

 

_"Every person is built on a different type of foundations. You were built on a slab. One of the best types. Us Ricks were built on a foundation of crumbs. Sticks. Carelessness. A foundation that can sink at any moment." He looked down, taking yet another drink from his flask._

 

_"You uh... You won't sink, right grandpa?" I asked softly, looking at him with concern._

 

_"Of course not," He paused, looking around, "don't tell anyone, or I'll rip your skin off, but I care about you guys." I smiled at his words. He wasn't like those other Ricks. He wouldn't leave us._

 

_***_

"You're in an alien hospital... Well, it's alien to you, but to me, it's just  regular hospital." The doctor explained. I called him in the moment Rick woke up. Rick was frowning, rolling his eyes. As if nothing was wrong. As if he didn't try to kill himself this morning. 

 

"It was a close one, Rick. Had your grandson not brought you in when he did, you would have been dead." The doctor looked at me, "He can leave later today. We just have to make sure we accounted for every chemical he ingested." And with that, the doctor walked out. 

 

"Rick... I know what you're gonna say, and before you say it I wanna just say that I brought you here because I l-"

 

"Shut up, Morty. You're giving me a headache."

"Rick! You can't just blow me off like that! You just tried to ki-"

"Yes! I know, Morty, Jesus." He groaned, rubbing his temples. I looked down, tears welling back in my eyes.

"You promised me, Rick... After the Glooponian incident, you said you wouldn't sink... You said you wouldn't..." I couldn't help the tears. This bastard doesn't understand what he did. He doesn't even  _care_. He just sat there with his usual frown, looking at me. 

 

"I know, Morty... But us Ricks are terrible at keeping promises. You of all people should know that." He said softly, not looking away from me. He wasn't wrong... But still. The pain he made me feel... I can't imagine what would have happened if mom found him. She would have been absolutely devastated. 

 

"Foundations can be fixed." I blurted out.

"What?"

"Foundations... You said your foundation was sinking. Foundations can be fixed," I paused, "you have to let us help you."

"Us?"

"Yeah... Summer, mom, and I. The three of us can help your foundation go from sinking to stable. Solid." I know my dad and Rick hate each other... Having dad try to help would just end up making things worse. Rick stayed silent, looking away from me and toward the ceiling. 

"Well?" He was silent for a few more minutes.

 

"I... I would like that Morty." Much to my surprise... the bastard agreed. The actually fucking agreed. I smiled, giving him a hug.

 

"Woah! I don't do hugs you little shit!" Rick groaned out, pushing me out of the hug. 

 

"Morty?" 

 

"Yeah, Rick?"

 

"Thanks." I just gave him a smile. Grandpa will be just fine. 


End file.
